Since the collapse of TMSR in February 2020 and the world’s turn to hysteria in March 2020 I have found myself directionless. Living on tilt. Around the New Year a lovely young lady invited me to go on vacation with her. During the vacation she suggested I try therapy because "clearly someone hurt you"...
Therapy starting with two interview sessions of an hour each spaced a week apart. I made it clear from the start that I was looking for concrete behavioral interventions that could help me strengthen my weak spots with the aim of becoming a more effective person. It wasn’t until the end that she sprang the trap and declared she only does “psychoanalytic” therapy but she expressed confidence she could help. Instead of following my impulse to flee after having been defrauded out of two hours of my time, I decided to trust.
For several weeks therapy consisted of little more than venting over my dissatisfactions with the present, I fell into a trap. After discussing the cleaning I had been doing at the time, she asked if the home I grew up with was clean and organized. It had been anything but.
Having penetrated into my formative years with that question, more questions followed. All of a sudden I could trace all of my worst, most handicapping tendencies to traumatic experiences. My efficacy was thereafter compromised. I was routinely trapped in profound self pity from the end of the Thursday sessions through Mondays without any ability to extract myself of my own power through means other than waiting.
Beatings, the use/abuse of my 5 or six year old self during an overnight stay at the grandparent's place, I did not need my present attention full of this shit.
I didn’t need to remember any of this, but the therapist, Carolina, pushed me into this repeatedly instead of addressing any of my problems in the present. She was happy to sacrifice my ability to function in the present in favor of forcing me into parts of my past I wanted no part of.
Only after despairing during a session that none of this shit is fixing anything did I get referred to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist prescribed firing the therapist.
The world's been rather dark since the Republic fell.